Why do I keep dating narcissists?

The Statistics

According to Health, a sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6 per cent of Americans or 1 out of 16, had been diagnosed as a narcissist.

Therefore, it is unlikely that you have dated a narcissist unless more people are underdiagnosed.

However, you know that you have dated a narcissist if he has never said, “I’m so sorry you had to experience what you had to experience.” Or if so, he meant it with real meaning.

Upon writing this, I have come across a narcissist for the first time, not romantically – well, at least on my side.

A Narcissistic Personality

Anyway, here’s my take. A narc is very well controlled. And you will like him being self-assured, calm, manly. In other words, He is sexy. Has characteristics of your ideal man. Despite the meaning of a narcissist, they first make it all about you, but it’s an act. It appears they are taking your feelings into account, but they don’t.

You’re nothing more than a pawn in the hands of a narcissist. His personality type lashes out when he’s offended when you point out that he is not showing you the basic courtesy to apologize when wrong.

He shows you no empathy, and instead of accepting responsibility, he reverses everything, making it all your fault rather than his. The level of gaslighting is unreal. He pretends he has not heard you, pretends he did not see your message, tells you, you are shouting when talking to him calmly. You can be saying something factual, but he will ignore what you said or tell you it never happened when it did.

When you are attracted to a narcissist, you are wrapped up in understanding him. He blames everything on you, and when you are trying to make your point, he cuts you off, only willing to return when you take the blame.

Anyway, you will be so busy analyzing your own behavior that you have little time to think about why you are with an abusive man.

I would say that not concentrating on you is where the problem or one of the problems, lies! Rather than how he has damaged you mentally, you enjoy not his narcissistic side but a man that stands up for himself.

Narcissists are absorbed in their own experience, and they expect you to cater to their every whim to the point that you end up wondering why you have forgotten yourself and your long-term needs.

He tries to show kindness and remorse by showering you with gifts and/or promises. In return he needs accolades and praise.

Whether you’re tough or a free-spirited woman, both can fall victim to a narcissist. The image you present attracts this man because he wants to break you down. He enjoys it because he is hurt and wants you to be the same.

Your free-spirited nature can be very accommodating by nature.

1. Felt the need to fix the other person?

2. Didn’t know that the mistreatment wasn’t normal?

3. Thought you weren’t good enough

Why Do People Go Back to Someone? The Astrology of Returning Relationships

Astrology can help us identify periods when revisiting something from the past becomes a more prominent theme.

When looking at predictive astrology, retrograde planets are particularly interesting because they introduce a different relationship with time. Rather than simply moving forward, the symbolism is associated with revisiting, reconsidering, reviewing, reconnecting and sometimes returning to something that was previously left behind.

And this doesn’t just apply to Venus retrograde.

Any retrograde planet can potentially coincide with a return to something or someone from the past. The planet involved, its house placement, its rulerships and its aspects help us understand what might be revisited.

For example, Mercury retrograde is often associated with old conversations, messages and people getting back in touch. You might hear from somebody you haven’t spoken to in months, or find yourself having a conversation that you thought had already ended.

Venus retrograde has a slightly different emphasis. Because Venus is associated with relationships, attraction, affection, values and what we desire, its retrograde periods can coincide with reconsidering romantic relationships. Somebody might reconsider a previous relationship, question whether they made the right decision, or find themselves attracted to somebody they previously dated.

Mars retrograde can also be interesting, particularly when considering unfinished business. Mars is associated with desire, pursuit, assertion and action. A previous romantic interest might reappear, somebody might reconsider an earlier decision to walk away, or an unresolved situation might become active again.

But here’s where I think house placement becomes particularly interesting.

Why the first and seventh houses?

The first house is interesting because it represents you: your identity, your approach to life and how you present yourself.

A retrograde planet here might coincide with revisiting an earlier version of yourself, including the way you approached relationships. You might find yourself reconsidering somebody you previously dated, but the bigger question could be whether you still want the same things you wanted when you were with them.

What’s happening in one house can provide additional context for what’s happening in the other.

The seventh house sits opposite the 1st house and is a little different. Rather than focusing on short term dating/flirting and the experience of romance, it concerns partnerships and the people we enter into relationships with.

Consequently, a retrograde planet moving through the seventh house could coincide with reconsidering an existing partnership, revisiting a previous relationship or having somebody from your relationship history re-enter your life.

But I wouldn’t limit this interpretation to Venus, Mercury or Mars.

Consider Jupiter retrograde in the seventh house, for example. Jupiter might describe revisiting a previous partnership, reconsidering what you want from a relationship, or reconnecting with somebody who played an important role in your personal development.

Saturn retrograde could bring attention to unfinished commitments, previous obligations or relationships that still have unresolved issues.

Even Uranus, Neptune and Pluto can be relevant. The nature of the planet changes the symbolism, but the underlying principle of revisiting something isn’t exclusive to the personal planets.

What about the fifth and eleventh houses?

The fifth house is associated with romance, dating, courtship, attraction and the experience of falling in love. It’s where we explore romantic possibilities, enjoy somebody’s company and experience the excitement of a new relationship.

So, when a planet retrogrades through the fifth house, it can symbolically describe revisiting an earlier romantic experience. This might be somebody you’ve dated, somebody you were attracted to but never actually pursued, or even a relationship that never quite got off the ground.

The eleventh house, meanwhile, is associated with friendships, social networks, groups and acquaintances.

A retrograde planet here could coincide with reconnecting with somebody from your wider social circle. Perhaps an old friend becomes a romantic interest, somebody you previously dated reappears through mutual friends, or a connection that started as a friendship takes on a different meaning.

Ultimately, the important thing is to look at the whole chart rather than isolate one placement.

A retrograde planet in the fifth or seventh house is interesting, but it becomes even more relevant when that planet rules either of these houses natally or makes aspects to Venus, the fifth-house ruler or the seventh-house ruler. It’s also worth looking at the opposing houses: the fifth and eleventh, and the first and seventh.

These houses work together, so activity in one can bring attention to themes represented by the other. For example, a romantic connection (fifth house) might develop through a friendship or social circle (eleventh house).

Another interesting consideration is when a planet stations retrograde or direct close to a natal planet, an angle or a house cusp. Those contacts can give the period additional significance.

And remember, a return doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. Somebody can return to apologise, explain themselves, reopen a conversation, test the waters or simply see whether the door is still open.

Sometimes the person returns. Sometimes it’s you who revisits the relationship. And sometimes what returns isn’t the person at all, but the feelings, questions or unfinished business associated with them.

Venus retrograde: 2026–2036

Tropical zodiac · Dates and station degrees in UT/GMT · The first cycle is already underway as of November 2026.

Notice that Venus doesn’t retrograde every year. Its retrograde cycle occurs approximately every 18–19 months and lasts around 40–43 days.

Mercury retrograde: 2026–2036

Tropical zodiac · Dates and station degrees in UT/GMT.

A note about the tables: These are the actual retrograde and direct station positions, rather than the entire shadow periods. A planet can begin revisiting degrees before it officially stations retrograde, and it can continue retracing those degrees after it stations direct.

Mars Retrograde: 2026-2036

Tropical zodiac · Dates in UTC · Degrees refer to the retrograde and direct stations.

Did you know that Mars rules men? And that retrogrades happen approximately every two years, with each cycle lasting around 60–81 days.

A few interesting observations:

• 2027: Mars begins retrograde in Virgo and moves back into Leo before turning direct.
• 2029: Mars begins in Libra and returns to Virgo.
• 2031: The entire retrograde takes place in Scorpio.
• 2033: Mars begins in Capricorn and returns to Sagittarius.
• 2035: The entire retrograde takes place in Pisces.

Unlike Mercury and Venus, Mars retrograde cycles are considerably less frequent. This makes them particularly interesting when examining longer-term relationship patterns and periods of revisiting previous romantic situations.

For your reference, the next Mars retrograde after the 2035 cycle will begin on 12 October 2037 at approximately 6°15′ Gemini, ending on 23 December 2037 at 20°07′ Taurus.

What about planetary returns?

Another timing technique worth considering is the planetary return. This happens when a transiting planet travels back to the exact position it occupied in your birth chart. Venus, Mars and Jupiter can all be particularly interesting when looking at romantic relationships and the possibility of somebody returning.

A Venus return occurs when Venus returns to its natal position. Venus is associated with love, attraction, romance and relationships, so this can mark the beginning of a new Venus cycle and bring renewed attention to your romantic life. Depending on the houses involved and other planetary connections, this could coincide with meeting somebody new or revisiting an existing or previous relationship.

A Mars return happens when Mars returns to its natal position. Mars can represent men, masculine energy, desire, sexual attraction and the pursuit of relationships. In some charts, a Mars return could coincide quite literally with a man entering your life, somebody making a move or a previous romantic interest reappearing.

Then there’s Jupiter, which is particularly interesting in traditional astrology because Jupiter can signify a husband or spouse. A Jupiter return occurs approximately every 12 years and begins a new Jupiter cycle. Depending on its natal house, rulerships and aspects, this could coincide with developments in marriage, partnerships or meeting somebody who eventually becomes a significant long-term partner. It could also coincide with a husband or previous partner returning.

Of course, these returns won’t always manifest through another person. Sometimes they describe changes in your own circumstances, expectations or approach to relationships. But when looking at predictive astrology, I wouldn’t overlook them. Sometimes the symbolism can be surprisingly literal.